Let me just acknowledge before I officially begin this post that while I do still eat meat, I admire the commitment and mindset of vegans and vegetarians in their quest to help the environment.
That being said, we have to talk about vegan restaurants.
Why do they insist on being so extra? Every exclusively vegan restaurant I have encountered has included at least two of the following list of things:
- Neon lights
- Use of things that are not plates as plates
- Fake meat puns
- Immaculately clean venues
- Hyper-social consciousness, often displayed on walls through terrible art
- sUpEr HiP wORkeRs
- $4 side dishes
Some of these tropes are not bad. I’m not angry that restaurants are clean, and I sure do love a pun, but why are all of them like this?
Where’s the grease? Where’s the mildly terrible service? How about normal lighting, where you can see the acne scars on each other’s faces?
Why have I never encountered a vegan restaurant that has a reputation for shady food, or for the workers smoking weed in the back office? WHERE IS THE TACO BELL OF VEGAN PLACES? WHERE IS THE WAFFLE HOUSE OF VEGAN PLACES, THE RAISIN’ CANES CHICKEN, OR EVEN THE SHONEY’S OF VEGAN PLACES?
At least in Kentucky, they don’t exist. Have to make sure everyone knows you serve vegan food through your aesthetic, eh?
Why can’t they be more like Barry’s Cheese Steaks?
Barry’s outdoor sign is just a picture of a cheese steak, with an emoji beside it exclaiming “Oh Yes!”
The parking lot for Barry’s? Gravel.
They have a white interior, with Pittsburgh Steelers merchandise and handmaid Jesus signs everywhere. You will wait at least 30 minutes before you food is ready. You may have to stand for a second while they wipe away the counter. And man, its delicious.
One day, the vegan restaurant will get to that level of casual, where you can enter the shop and not even know its vegan food until you look at the menu. And that’s what they should aspire to. I firmly believe that not eating meat is the way forward, and that the future is fake, but you won’t be able to convince the general public until the neon lights are gone, and they can eat without feeling lame for not wearing a cardigan.
One day, they’ll be normal. But for now?
Order take-out.
Yes, Like The Batman Villain 
Reblogged this on Cards Eye View.
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